Saying Kaddish and Estate Planning

As originally appeared in The Jerusalem Post on January 10, 2025.

Thursday marked the end of 11 months since the passing of my father, A”H. That means that while the mourning prohibitions are still in place, I have stopped saying the kaddish prayer. It’s a milestone filled with emotion-even for those accused of being generally un-emotional!

This week we wrap up the book of Genesis. We have read week after week about siblings who don’t get along with each other, and that’s an understatement. We’ve read about sibling rivalry that led to murder, attempted murder, banishment, the selling of a brother and more. The intra-family intrigue would make for a better and more entertaining series than anything currently playing on Netflix!

As I have mentioned many times, the Ramban(Nachmanides) has a principal that runs throughout Genesis and that is “Ma’aseh Avot Siman L’Banim” which loosely means everything that happened in the stories of the Avot (forefathers), serve as a “sign” for the sons. Rabbi Ezra Bick explains, “Ramban views this statement as saying that the actions of the forefathers affect future generations in a metaphysical way, such that future generations play out some aspect of the forefathers’ actions and journeys, for better or for worse.”

Frequently, when sitting with clients and we discuss estate planning, far too often I hear, “Our kids are great and get along so well with each other. After we die, they will sort out the estate in a fair and equal way – we totally trust them.” I can tell you that even in the best of families, money issues bring out the worst in siblings. As I have written about previously, I know of a family in the US where the parents passed away over 25 years ago. One of the siblings lives here and is sustained by charity. Because one child believes that she deserves more money than anyone else, they are at each other’s throats and will not liquidate the $60 million of real estate that they inherited. I repeat one sibling is living off charity, even though conceptually he’s worth $15 million. Perhaps the biggest blessing that I have with my siblings, and ability we have to honor our parents, is that we all get along, and have no inheritance quarrels.

In this week’s Torah portion, we have the first instance of a Last Will and Testament. We read about Yaakov blessing his sons and certain grandsons on his deathbed. At 18forty.org Yehuda Fogel refers to this as an ethical will. He writes, “Ethical wills differ in tone, character, and content, as they can range from a set of blessings, adjunctions, advice, or words of love and affection, or a pithy line or set of words that characterize one’s life or death.” He continues, “An ethical will is known as a Tzava’ah in the traditional rabbinic Hebrew. When the prophet Yeshayah prophesies the passing of his fellow prophet Chizkiyah, Yeshayah urges “set your affairs in order,” which might be an early instance of this term appearing in this context.

But it’s not just Yaakov. In the Haftara we read about King David on his deathbed. Rabbi Yehuda Shaviv writes, “It is customary for a departing generation to leave directions for the next generation. This is especially true when the generation gradually disappearing represents the end of an era and the next generation begins a new one. Such wills and legacies are relevant to all future generations since they, by nature, summarize the era gone by and provide guidance with respect to the period that is now beginning.

But when it comes to the forefathers of the nation – in our instance, Yaakov and David – even the personal part of the will has significance for all generations. Both these personalities appeal to the son who will succeed them to perform that which they themselves were unable to achieve. Thus Yaakov makes his son Yosef swear to ensure Yaacov’s burial in the family plot in Eretz Yisrael, while David makes his son Shlomo swear that he will repay Yoav and Shim’i for their evil towards him, and Barzilai for his goodness towards him.”

Learning from the Ramban, I can’t stress the importance of making a will. According to Investopedia, “A will is a legal document that sets forth your wishes regarding the distribution of your property and the care of any minor children. If you die without a will, those wishes may not be carried out. Further, your heirs may end up spending additional time, money, and emotional energy to settle your affairs after you’re gone.” In Israel, it can be even more problematic if you don’t have a will. Locally, when a spouse passes, the surviving spouse and children split the estate 50/50. The problems this can cause are for another article, but I know of cases where a mother was forced to leave her apartment, after the kids basically forced her to sell, against her wishes.

No matter how great you think your children are, do everyone a favor, and create a will. You will end up saving your heirs time, money, and lots of emotional energy.

The information contained in this article reflects the opinion of the author and not necessarily the opinion of Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. or its affiliates.

Aaron Katsman is the author of Retirement GPS: How to Navigate Your Way to A Secure Financial Future with Global Investing (McGraw-Hill), and is a licensed financial professional both in the United States and Israel, and helps people who open investment accounts in the United States. Securities are offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. (www.prginc.net). Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, SIFMA, FSI. For more information, call (02) 624-0995 visit www.aaronkatsman.com or email aaron@lighthousecapital.co.il.