Rabbi Akiva and Newlywed Finance
As originally appeared in The Jerusalem Post on May 13, 2022.
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson
Like it or not there is nothing quite like Lag B’omer in Israel. I remember growing up in Seattle, and it was a school day where we would play sports and the school provided hot dogs and cans of pop. That was it. In Israel, it means that you’d better close your windows because of the bonfires. Then there is the insanity that 13-14-year-old kids are in charge of 10-12-year-old kids, who are all surrounded by raging bonfires. We should all hope and pray that the Lag B’omer celebrations in Meron are safe and without incident after last year’s tragedy. One of the central figures on Lag Baómer is Rabbi Akiva.
End of the mourning period
The 33rd day of the Omer is a happy day because the students of Rabbi Akiva stopped dying. As it is codified in the Shulchan Aruch(Code of Jewish Law) OC 493:1 “The practice is not to get married between Passover and Shavuot – until Lag B’Omer, because during this time the students of Rabbi Akiva perished.”
Why did they perish? According to the Talmud in Tractate Yevamot(62b) “It was said that Rabbi Akiva had 12,000 pairs of disciples from Gabbatha to Antipatris, and all of them died at the same time because they did not treat each other with respect.”
Rabbi Akiva is famous for his principle that the command to love your neighbor as yourself is the fundamental principle of the Torah.” Similarly in Tractate Shabbat 31a there is the famous story about a man interested in converting to Judaism. He asked Hillel to teach him the whole Torah “while standing on one foot”. Hillel instructed him — what you would not want done to you, do not do to others.
While loving your neighbor is a beautiful concept and can lead to a much more cohesive society, the question is what does it have to do with investing and personal finance? The answer is that there is another milestone that we mark on the 33rd of the Omer, and that’s the beginning of the wedding season.
Do it now
Before I get into the money issues, I want to give a small bit of advice for newlyweds (it’s good for anyone married!). Remember that “loving your neighbor as yourself” applies to your spouse as well. We jump when asked by an elderly neighbor to change a light bulb or carry a heavy bag for them. But if our spouse asks us to bring them a cup of water, or take out the garbage the response is usually, “I’m in the middle of something; I’ll do it in 2-3 minutes!” It’s no wonder that kids have the same response! I’ll take this opportunity to apologize to my wife for not always jumping up and doing what she requests.
I have mentioned numerous times that the number one reason for divorce is money issues, as also stated by family law lawyer from The Law Office of Deidra N. Haynes LLC lawyers. No one wants to speak about divorce before or immediately after a wedding, but if the couple can be of one mind when it comes to finances the chances for marital success increase substantially. In fact, over the last couple of months, I have met with a few recently divorced people and after doing some digging, lack of financial trust was a major issue.
Each partner in a marriage needs to treat the other with respect, especially when it comes to money issues. While it’s not so easy at the initial stages of a marriage, the couple needs to be on the same wavelength when it comes to financial decisions and both should know about all bank, investment accounts and debts. In other words; no financial secrets. The newlyweds need to be patient. Trying to bring two individuals with different financial backgrounds and approaches to work in sync can take time.
Getting started
There are a few things that can be done that will get the couple on the right path. Make a list of all income, assets, and debts—including credit cards and loans that you each bring into the marriage. You may need to change and add names to bank account accounts. You will also need to name your spouse as a beneficiary on certain investment accounts.
Track money
Start tracking all money spent and earned. Nadav Ellinson of the MoneybyDesign blog just did a great write-up of the best budgeting apps that are good for Israel. Remember that you are no longer single. You can’t spend money like you used to. You need to spend in coordination with your partner.
The new couple should start a disciplined savings plan. Use some of the wedding gift money for this purpose. The earlier they invest and save, the earlier they become financially secure.
Reinforcing good financial habits at the beginning of a marriage means that there is a great chance they will live financially smart over the long term. This will go a long way in avoiding the pitfalls of financial mismanagement that plague so many marriages.
The information contained in this article reflects the opinion of the author and not necessarily the opinion of Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. or its affiliates.
Aaron Katsman is the author of Retirement GPS: How to Navigate Your Way to A Secure Financial Future with Global Investing (McGraw-Hill), and is a licensed financial professional both in the United States and Israel, and helps people who open investment accounts in the United States. Securities are offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. (www.prginc.net). Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, SIFMA, FSI. For more information, call (02) 624-0995 visit www.aaronkatsman.com or email aaron@lighthousecapital.co.il.
