Parents as good financial role models for their children
As originally appeared in The Jerusalem Post on July 22, 2022.
“Parents are the ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement and action has an effect. No other person or outside force has a greater influence on a child than the parent.” -Bob Keeshan
When I meet with couples to work with them on budgeting issues, I often ask them how they grew up with money. What was their parents’ approach to money? In a very unscientific poll, I have concluded that most of the people I meet who have money issues grew up in a home that had money issues. These issues were not necessarily based on a lack of money but rather on the approach that parents took to managing their money.
Financial coach Christine Sager is quoted in a Parents.com article about breaking bad financial habits, “Your parents’ relationship with money might influence your own long after you leave the nest. For example, if you grew up in a household where money was scarce and constantly heard you couldn’t afford something, it could lead to reckless spending as an adult or fear around spending money at all. On the flip side, those who grew up with parents who had healthy conversations about money, who were taught it was ok to buy things within budget, and who learned how to save for big-ticket purchases—those are the kids who likely have a good relationship with their money as adults, too.”
In this week’s Torah portion we learn that the tribes of Gad and Reuven would rather settle the land in Trans Jordan than the Land of Israel. “We will build sheep pens for our livestock here and cities for our children.” (Numbers 32:16) Once they quickly build the sheep pens and cities, they will then join the fight with the rest of the nation and not return until the land is conquered. Moses answers them, “build towns for your children and pens for your sheep. And make sure you keep your word.” (32:24)
Rabbi Yissacher Frand writes, “Notice that Moshe reversed the order of their priorities. They wanted to “build sheep pens for our livestock here and towns for our children.” First, let us take care of the livestock. Let us make sure we have pens in which to keep them so they don’t wander off into the hills and get lost or stolen. Cows and sheep are valuable assets, and we have to take good care of them. Then they spoke about building “towns for our children.” Then we will provide our children with a place to live while we are at war. Oh no, Moshe replied. You have it backward. First of all, “build towns for your children.” Make sure you have attended to the needs of your children. Afterward, you can also build “pens for your sheep.” First, you take care of your children, then you worry about your cattle.”
He continues, “When we look at this incident, we say to ourselves, “How foolish can people be? How warped can their values be? How can anyone put the welfare of his cattle before the welfare of his children?” Unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident, something bizarre that happened thousands of years ago. It is an everyday phenomenon. People become focused on their livelihood, on developing a business, on advancing professionally, on building a practice, and their kids get lost in the shuffle. They don’t realize that they are making the exact same mistake as the tribes of Gad and Reuven.”
If you do the calculation they must have been away from their families for 14 years. 7 to conquer the land and another 7 for the inheritance. Rabbi Frand comments, “Those little children they left behind — let’s assume they were 3 or 4 years old — how old were they when their fathers returned home? Teenagers! Practically adults. The Midrash tells us that their fathers were shocked to find that their sons had long hair, that they were indistinguishable from their pagan neighbors. This is what happens when parents give priority to their wealth over their children.”
While it might be hard it’s incumbent upon parents to both set a good example and talk to their kids about money. We are constantly bombarded with targeted advertising. It’s hard enough for adults to have the discipline to say no, it must be doubly tough for kids, especially if they don’t know any better. Teach them that they can only spend what they have, how to save hard-earned money, and that you don’t need to keep buying things. Most importantly parents should teach the importance of giving to charity and helping others.
As Cameron Huddleston writes in Forbes, “If you want your children to develop good spending and saving habits, they need to see you making smart spending and saving choices. In short, practice what you preach. And preach with consistency. Educating your children about personal finance is a process that can take time. But if you put in the effort and continuously communicate a clear message about money, you will instill good habits that will serve your children well.”
The information contained in this article reflects the opinion of the author and not necessarily the opinion of Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. or its affiliates.
Aaron Katsman is the author of Retirement GPS: How to Navigate Your Way to A Secure Financial Future with Global Investing (McGraw-Hill), and is a licensed financial professional both in the United States and Israel, and helps people who open investment accounts in the United States. Securities are offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. (www.prginc.net). Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, SIFMA, FSI. For more information, call (02) 624-0995 visit www.aaronkatsman.com or email aaron@lighthousecapital.co.il.
