Don’t sacrifice your children for extra ‘likes’
As originally appeared in The Jerusalem Post on August 2, 2024.
If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free; if our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed. Edmund Burke
I often complain to my friends, that in Jewish education, very little attention is paid to the interaction between everyday money dealings and Jewish law. Classes dealing with what to do if you inadvertently omit a section of the prayer service are a dime a dozen, but issues of business ethics are virtually nowhere to be found. In fact, in the Talmud (Shabbat 31a) a question is asked about when a person dies, what questions he is asked to determine judgement. The first question is whether you conducted business honestly.
In Jewish Wisdom, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin writes, “Note that the first question asked in heaven is not “Did you believe in G-d?” or “Did you observe all the rituals?” but “Were you honest in business?” Unfortunately, despite many texts that insist on the primacy of ethics, most Jews associate being religious solely with observing rituals. Throughout the Jewish community, when one asks “Is so-and-so a religious Jew?” the response invariably is based on the person’s observance of ritual laws: “He (or she) keeps kosher, and observes the Sabbath; he is religious”, “She does not keep kosher or observe the Sabbath; she is not religious”.
From such responses, one could easily conclude that Judaism regards ethical behavior as an “extracurricular activity”, something desirable but not essential. The above passage unequivocally asserts that ethics is at Judaism’s core; G-d’s first concern is with a person’s decency.”
In this week’s Torah portion, we read about the how just before the Israelites were about to start the process of conquering the land of Israel, the tribes of Gad and Reuven who had huge amounts of livestock, asked Moshe for permission to take their share in the Trans-Jordan. His initial response was, “Moses said to the descendants of Gad and the descendants of Reuben, Shall your brethren go to war while you stay here?” (Numbers 32:6) My hunch is that this weekend we are going to see that sentence repeated over and over as the debate over Hareidim in the army continues. I will avoid opining here and rather I would like to focus on the continuation of the story instead.
They said, “We will build sheep pens for our livestock here and cities for our children.” (Numbers 32:16) Moshe then goes ahead and berates them for letting the others fight to conquer the land, while they settled down. Furthermore, their reluctance to cross would have a demoralizing effect on the others, just as the report of the spies had done 38 years earlier. They then pledge to join the war effort and won’t settle their land until the land is conquered.
Then Moshe agrees and says, “build towns for your children and pens for your sheep. And make sure you keep your word.” (Numbers 32:24) Interesting that Moshe changes the order from their initial request, and places building towns first and pens for the sheep second. Rabbi Yissocher Frand writes, “Oh no, Moshe replied. You have it backwards. First, “build towns for your children.” Make sure you have attended to the needs of your children. Afterwards, you can also build “pens for your sheep.” First, you take care of your children, then you worry about your cattle. When we look at this incident, we say to ourselves, “How foolish can people be? How warped can their values be? How can anyone put the welfare of his cattle before the welfare of his children?”
Unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident, something bizarre that happened thousands of years ago. It is an everyday phenomenon. People become focused on their livelihood, on developing a business, on advancing professionally, on building a practice, and their kids get lost in the shuffle. They don’t realize that they are making the exact same mistake as the tribes of Gad and Reuven. But it is true. It happens all too often.”
As I have previously written, when I was in college, I had an assignment to interview a small businessperson. I was lazy and procrastinated. With no choice left and a few days before it was due, I interviewed my father Z”L, who owned a small business. I can’t tell you how amazing that was. I encourage all children, of any age, to interview their parents. It was such an eye-opening experience and gave me a much larger impression of who my father is and what drove him. Not just what I viewed through my eyes, but how he viewed things as well. He told me that what had made him most proud was the fact that he never spent a night on business away from his family, and that he never placed making money ahead of doing what’s right and ethical.
Especially today in the world of social media, where sharing pictures of lavish purchases, gourmet meals and trips to exotic locales gets lots of ‘likes’, it’s very much just a fantasy. The constant desire for more materialism is seen by many as a pathway to happiness, but does buying the latest Electric Vehicle really make one happier a month after it was purchased?
Just remember that money is important but not the be all and end all. Our children are far more important, and to downgrade them to second fiddle in order to make another shekel or two is both damaging to them and ultimately to society as well.
It’s now summer and the peer pressure to go on a ‘cool’ vacation is very real. Keep focused on what’s really important. It’s not how far you fly. It’s about spending quality time with the kids.
The information contained in this article reflects the opinion of the author and not necessarily the opinion of Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. or its affiliates.
Aaron Katsman is the author of Retirement GPS: How to Navigate Your Way to A Secure Financial Future with Global Investing (McGraw-Hill), and is a licensed financial professional both in the United States and Israel, and helps people who open investment accounts in the United States. Securities are offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. (www.prginc.net). Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, SIFMA, FSI. For more information, call (02) 624-0995 visit www.aaronkatsman.com or email aaron@lighthousecapital.co.il.
